How to have a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
“It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing at all was right. Everything went wrong”
Not every day can be a good one. Here’s how to have a bad one.
This writing piece is, of course, based on the wonderful children’s book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day,” written by Judith Viorst. In the book, the main character, Alexander, is having a day similar to one that many of us have had. His day is full of small and large inconveniences, and it seems to him that he is the only one who is experiencing these bad things while everyone else is having a wonderful day. Whether it be one terrible thing that has happened that ruins your day or it’s the day that died from a thousand small ‘awfuls,’ these can be the days that leave us feeling sad, frustrated, isolated and at times, even hopeless. These are the days when our woes feel monumental, overtaxing and unbearable. These are the days we feel like anyone other than ourselves or maybe, if we have had too many of these days, we begin to believe that this is who we are. These days can be isolating, subjugating and completely, unmistakably bad.
So what do we do on these days?
Start by trying to recognize rather than be resigned. The difference is to try to take a curious approach to the day. I begin by trying to notice that, thus far, it has not been what I wanted and reflect on how I could potentially make it better. Are there meetings I can skip that would reduce my stress levels? Is there a favorite restaurant/food I can have for lunch? Or maybe I can wear my favorite socks/most comfortable pants/the new clothing I just bought for myself. Something to try and swing the day in my favor. I try not to resign myself to the bad day, and do my best not to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of bad day. By attempting to keep a more open mindset, I am also helping myself to notice any good stuff that may come my way.
By being curious, we can work to avoid the “bad day mindset” or as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy likes to call it; a combination of cognitive distortions of “Maximization/Minimization” and “All-or-Nothing Thinking.” The All-or-Nothing thinking concept applies to our tendency as humans to categorize things in one box or another, (i.e. something is either one thing or it is the opposite of that thing). In the “bad day mindset” we have categorized our day as “all bad.” This leads into the Maximization/Minimization concept where we aggrandize things that fit the model in our head and reduce things that don’t fit the model. In our bad day example, this means that bad things happening on a our bad day are “supposed to happen,” and help us prove that it is indeed a bad day. By contrast, this means that good things that happen on our bad day are often counted as flukes, accidents or random chance and “don’t count.” When we do this, we completely discount the good things that happen to us and don’t allow them to help make our day better. In this way, our mindset can make our days seem much worse than they may actually be.
But what if I am stuck in a grump mood on a bad day and there isn’t any wiggle room in my day to help make it easier?
This is a very valid question and outlines a situation that I am sure we have all experienced. My hope is that you don’t often run into these kinds of immovable bad days. If you do, it might be worth taking a deeper look both inside of yourself as well as how you have constructed your day-to-day.
However, never fear! Even on days when you can’t skip a meeting, get ice cream, wear fuzzy socks and don’t have the energy to be curious, you still have one option that will always be there. I’ve heard military people call it “embracing the suck,” religious people name it “giving it over to God,” and addiction recovery centers refer to it in the Serenity Prayer. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy calls it “Radical Acceptance” and it is the conscious act of accepting the things that are happening to you which are out of your control. Now, let me be clear, acceptance and agreement are two wildly different things. You can still vehemently disagree with a situation while radically accepting that it is occurring.
What is the benefit?
Often times we can get bogged down and overwhelmed with the “why” of things. Why did my car break down? Why does my boss overload me? Why won’t my friends talk to me? WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY??? The “why” CAN be important at times, but that doesn’t always mean that it IS important. When we choose to radically accept that things are the way they are, we can then release ourselves from the why and work to move towards what to do/how to be next. Sometimes that means scheduling a meeting with that boss to discuss workload, or making time for self-care OR doing absolutely, positively nothing at all. Because sometimes all we can muster is existing and that is ok. In my opinion, the optimal strategy for an immovable bad day is to accept the bad and keep an eye out for the good.
There is no guarantee that this strategy will make bad days less bad. However, it will help you to get through these days in a more intentional and aware way, which has the potential to help you when future bad days roll around.
